1 00:00:03,336 --> 00:00:04,803 Mm. 2 00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:07,439 Oh! Let me get that, husband. 3 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:12,811 After a storybook wedding and a magical honeymoon, 4 00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:14,713 Mitchell and I are finally newlyweds. 5 00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:16,949 Are you sure you wouldn't be more comfortable in your own chair? 6 00:00:16,951 --> 00:00:19,785 [ scoffs ] there's no more "my chair" or "your chair." 7 00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:21,020 So... 8 00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:23,022 We got back from our honeymoon several weeks ago, 9 00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:24,957 And it feels like it never -- 10 00:00:24,959 --> 00:00:26,158 Never ended? Oh, my gosh. 11 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:28,227 It's like we have one mind and one heart. 12 00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:29,495 And one chair. 13 00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:31,296 [ chuckles ] ha ha. 14 00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:33,165 Happy three-month anniversary. 15 00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:35,134 Oh, is that today? [ chuckles ] 16 00:00:35,136 --> 00:00:38,037 So, listen, I have this boring cocktail thing at the office, 17 00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:40,372 But I should be home by 6:00, and then we can head to the party. 18 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:45,010 For you, dad. From dad. Again. 19 00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:47,046 Flowers? But you just got me flowers yesterday. 20 00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:49,048 Well, you also had cereal yesterday. 21 00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:50,883 And I wouldn't mind having some today. 22 00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:55,054 Sure was nice when this house wasn't full of bees. 23 00:00:55,056 --> 00:01:07,099 ¶¶¶ 24 00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:08,100 [ birds chirping ] 25 00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:10,002 More syrup for milady? 26 00:01:10,004 --> 00:01:12,171 Why, thank you, kind sir. 27 00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:14,873 Claire, do we still have any of those cookies that you and luke baked? 28 00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,708 Are we the kind of family 29 00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:18,110 That has cookies for breakfast? 30 00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:20,612 Yes, we are! 31 00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:22,014 [ laughter ] yeah! Yeah! 32 00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:24,416 Mmm! 33 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,385 [ gasps ] a butterfly! 34 00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:27,419 [ muffled ] oh, my god! 35 00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:28,554 We are having... 36 00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:30,422 ...The most perfect summer... 37 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:31,857 ...Ever. 38 00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:34,093 Don't get me wrong, the dunphys have had some great days. 39 00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:36,295 We just have a little trouble stringing them together. 40 00:01:36,297 --> 00:01:38,964 Our record was eight consecutive blissful days -- 41 00:01:38,966 --> 00:01:40,766 December 2007. 42 00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:41,967 It was our hanukkah. 43 00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:44,536 This summer, all the dunphys are just clicking. 44 00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,872 Yeah, haley and luke are getting along, 45 00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:49,108 Alex is off building houses for the poor. 46 00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:52,311 Which I know sounds awful, but she loves it. [ sighs ] 47 00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:54,213 My fashion blog is blowing up. 48 00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:56,081 I started doing these live video chats, 49 00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:59,218 And now I have over 50,000 subscribers! 50 00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:02,121 Oh, plus, my hair has never looked better. 51 00:02:02,123 --> 00:02:05,657 I'm not a religious person... But I just woke up. 52 00:02:06,726 --> 00:02:08,093 Phil has been gardening. 53 00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:10,162 I've had time to catch up and read the classics. 54 00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:11,830 ...When she isn't busy helping me 55 00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:13,732 With my magic-mirror disappearing trick. 56 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,934 I'm just gonna say it -- suddenly, I love magic. 57 00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:17,669 I don't care if it's the middle of the day. 58 00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:20,739 I just want to put you in a box and stick swords in you. [ chuckling ] oh. 59 00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:23,175 If this summer wasn't magical enough, 60 00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:25,110 I haven't had a single bad plum! 61 00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:27,913 Oh, my god! 62 00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:30,749 So, the zipper -- oh, my god! 63 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:33,485 Phil: Oh, my god! 64 00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,787 [ laughs ] 65 00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:39,358 [ speaking spanish ] 66 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:40,659 [ woman speaking spanish ] 67 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:43,095 [ conversation continues ] 68 00:02:48,134 --> 00:02:49,301 All: Manny! 69 00:02:49,303 --> 00:02:51,303 Manny! 70 00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:53,338 Come! Talk to your cousins! 71 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,674 Hola! Man: ¿cómo estás, manny? 72 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,776 Manny, why you freeze the colombians? 73 00:02:57,778 --> 00:03:00,179 If I talk to one of them, I have to talk to 50 of them. 74 00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:02,181 Just do it as a birthday gift. 75 00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:04,149 You always do this. Your birthday's not till next week. 76 00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:08,387 Not mine. It's aunt rosario's 82nd birthday today. 77 00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:10,622 That's why all the goats are wearing the party hats. 78 00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:11,657 Look! 79 00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:15,227 All: Manny! Hi, everyone. 80 00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:17,396 [ woman speaking spanish ] 81 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,164 Ay! Pretty snazzy new cheaters, huh? 82 00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:21,133 Five bucks. Wow. 83 00:03:21,135 --> 00:03:22,668 I know, right?! 84 00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:26,004 My husband is an older man, but he's not an old man. 85 00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:29,241 But with the track suit and -- and now the glasses, 86 00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:31,877 It's like he just stopped trying lately. 87 00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,779 Comfort is not everything. 88 00:03:35,014 --> 00:03:38,250 My toes have been numb since my quinceanera. 89 00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:39,818 We don't have to be at drinks till 5:00, 90 00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:42,254 So I'm gonna run a few errands, take these bad boys for a spin. 91 00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:45,390 Ay, jay, why don't you wear that new outfit that I just got you? 92 00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:47,893 Uh, a little flashy, that extra zipper. 93 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,695 Like a staircase to nowhere. 94 00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,863 Yeah, but it makes you look very -- 95 00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:53,198 Honey, I'm so sorry. Right on your toes. 96 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,734 It's fine. You can drop a pay phone on my foot. 97 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:58,937 I don't feel a thing anymore. [ chuckles ] 98 00:04:01,507 --> 00:04:03,709 Phil: And now, as my lovely assistant joins me, 99 00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:05,410 It's time to chant the incantation 100 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:10,349 That will send this fair maiden into the sixth dimension. 101 00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:13,619 Both: By the hat of merlin, by the witches of gramanthia, 102 00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:16,722 We do make this offering to you -- be gone! 103 00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:18,757 Haley: [ gasps ] claire: Did I do it? Did I disappear? 104 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:19,791 [ doorbell rings ] 105 00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,593 Almost. Just a little bit of forehead. 106 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,562 Oh, I can scrunch down. There's love. 107 00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:24,429 Hey, guys. 108 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,598 Sweet! You brought the sifter. 109 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,234 Aw! Now I can start my rhubarb pie. 110 00:04:29,236 --> 00:04:30,802 Ooh, can I help pick the rhubarb? 111 00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:32,204 Lead the way, kitten. 112 00:04:32,206 --> 00:04:34,406 Anybody want a plum? I'm good. 113 00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:37,142 I'll grab you a roadie. [ both laugh ] 114 00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:39,578 There is no easy way to ask this, but are you all high? 115 00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:41,046 No, mitchell. We're happy. 116 00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:42,748 Oh, I'm trying to get away from "happy." 117 00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:44,249 All right, in the briefest possible way, 118 00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:46,084 Why don't you let me know what's going on? 119 00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:48,053 Okay, cam refuses to let the honeymoon end. 120 00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:50,756 Huh. I have a house full of flowers, endless romantic texts. 121 00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:52,958 I know, I know, I sound like an ungrateful jerk. 122 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,459 You do. It's exhausting. 123 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,995 Not to mention impossible to reciprocate. 124 00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,230 Phil: Oh, my god! 125 00:04:58,232 --> 00:05:01,767 Do you think that maybe I should talk to him gently 126 00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:03,168 About taking it down a notch? 127 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,903 No, absolutely not. That never ends well. 128 00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,838 Clearly you thought this said "be mean." 129 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,073 Phil, honey, no. No. 130 00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:10,676 It's -- okay, don't worry, I... 131 00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:14,079 And it wasn't even valentine's day. So your advice is to do nothing. 132 00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:16,682 Yes, mitchell, as horrible as this sounds, 133 00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:19,785 You need to suck it up and let yourself be loved, 134 00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:23,355 And cam will end up dialing back the romance. 135 00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:25,290 You might just miss it. I know I do. 136 00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:27,259 Here we are. A plum for my peach. 137 00:05:27,261 --> 00:05:29,127 Ohh. 138 00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:29,695 Do you? 139 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:33,065 Here you go. Thank you. 140 00:05:34,867 --> 00:05:36,802 Is he okay? He's mitchell. 141 00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:38,303 Look, I didn't even want to talk about it. 142 00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:40,272 We've had such a great thing going on here. 143 00:05:40,274 --> 00:05:43,175 I don't want to let that kind of negativity in the house. [ door opens ] 144 00:05:43,177 --> 00:05:44,309 [ door slams ] mmm. 145 00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:45,644 Alex! Hey! 146 00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:47,779 We didn't think you were coming back until next week. 147 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:48,947 I got a ride home early. 148 00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:50,315 This has been the worst summer ever! 149 00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:51,983 [ glass shatters in distance ] 150 00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:53,885 Luke: Careful, you idiot! Haley: You're an idiot! 151 00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,287 [ door slams ] huh. 152 00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,391 And last night, 153 00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:00,726 My tent ripped, so I had to sleep 154 00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:02,361 Under a plywood board leaning up against a van. 155 00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:05,130 Pass me a napkin. Is milady's arm broken? 156 00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:06,465 Yours is about to be. 157 00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,867 Alex: Not that I could sleep with all the rats. 158 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:10,135 And, by the way, 159 00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:11,670 If any of you start coughing up blood, my bad. 160 00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:13,472 I think I brought back the plague. 161 00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:14,873 What am I doing? 162 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,875 I think I left my backpack in the driveway. 163 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,410 Stop kicking me! 164 00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:19,978 You're kicking me! 165 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,012 [ door slams ] 166 00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:23,315 I'm sorry. I'm just fidgety today. 167 00:06:23,317 --> 00:06:25,484 It's okay. A cookie might help. 168 00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:26,685 Here's that napkin you wanted. [ door opens, closes ] 169 00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:28,220 Alex: I got the mail! 170 00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:30,655 Would it have killed you to give me one without ketchup on it? 171 00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:32,591 Move! You have room! 172 00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,426 No, move out! You're 40! 173 00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:35,427 Phil: Okay. That's enough. 174 00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:37,529 Luke, why don't you go water our garden. 175 00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:39,231 Haley, just disappear for a minute. 176 00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,500 Well, it's not like you could help with that. 177 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,368 Abracad-ouch. 178 00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:46,405 Well, it's great having alex home, huh? So great. 179 00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,874 You don't think that she's the reason why we -- 180 00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:49,941 No. No, I do not. 181 00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:51,843 We both knew that this charmed summer 182 00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:53,412 Had to have a bump in it somewhere. 183 00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:54,446 Yes. Yeah. 184 00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:56,415 And it's not like alex coming home 185 00:06:56,417 --> 00:06:59,851 Could suddenly throw off our whole happy mojo. 186 00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:01,586 How's that plum? 187 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:03,455 Great. Oh, my god. 188 00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,124 There she is! There she is! 189 00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:07,759 Oh, so happy to have you home, honey. 190 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,628 Oh, my god! It's a bat! 191 00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:11,396 Aah! Claire: What's happening?! 192 00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:13,198 Get it out of the house! 193 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,634 Haley: Get it away! Ew, ew, ew, ew! Aah! 194 00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:16,701 Ew, ew, ew! 195 00:07:18,137 --> 00:07:19,471 This is unbelievable. 196 00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:21,406 The dry cleaner lost another one of my shirts. 197 00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:23,375 You know that nice, red-white-and-blue hawaiian one? 198 00:07:23,377 --> 00:07:25,410 Yes, that was a very nice one. 199 00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:27,078 That's the fourth hawaiian shirt he's lost. 200 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,581 I'm telling you, this is a "dateline" story waiting to happen. 201 00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:31,483 Manny: Great talking with you all, 202 00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:33,151 Hey, but someone wants to say hi. 203 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:34,219 No, no! 204 00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:35,954 All: Jay! Hi, guys. 205 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,956 Woman: ¿cómo estás? Nope, still don't speak spanish. 206 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,425 Always so much fun seeing you guys, though. 207 00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:42,227 Listen, I -- 208 00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:43,829 Gloria? Hmm? 209 00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:45,096 Your cousin's wearing 210 00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,165 My black, yellow, and peach hawaiian shirt. 211 00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:48,633 Ay, please, jay! 212 00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:51,570 Like you're the only man in this whole wide world that owns that shirt. 213 00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:54,239 These designer specs don't just make my eyes pop. 214 00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,808 I can see the cigar burn I put on the left pocket. 215 00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,778 It's a coincidence. There's a lot of those. 216 00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:01,847 Like according to your uncle's hoodie here, 217 00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:03,915 He was on my track team at buchanan high. 218 00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,317 Hey, guys. Tell you what. 219 00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:07,986 Why don't we sample some american food for a change? 220 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,956 [ woman speaking spanish ] so, you're sending my clothes to colombia? 221 00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:14,493 Just the old ones, and -- and they send most of them back. 222 00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:15,660 And there it is. 223 00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:18,363 Do you have a problem with the way I dress? 224 00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:19,698 Jay, I love you very, very much. 225 00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,766 And I love you very much, but that wasn't the question. 226 00:08:21,768 --> 00:08:24,102 It's just that sometimes I feel like 227 00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:27,105 You could make a bigger effort on your appearance. 228 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,607 And there it is. 229 00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:30,642 Please stop saying that. 230 00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,310 It's just that I feel that lately 231 00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:34,613 You don't make an effort to look good for me, 232 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:37,215 And I'm always making an effort to look my best for you. 233 00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:38,984 For me? Sure. What? 234 00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:42,220 Well, let's face it, you don't really doll up for me -- you do it for you. 235 00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:43,955 You get your hair done, you get your nails done. 236 00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:47,025 Oh, so you wouldn't mind if I stopped fixing myself up? 237 00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:49,227 No, because I love you for you. 238 00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,029 Mm. And since we're being honest, 239 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,564 I actually think sometimes... 240 00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:53,565 You overdo it. 241 00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:55,200 And there it is. 242 00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,536 You're using it wrong. No, this is good. 243 00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:59,471 It's good to know that -- that you don't care. 244 00:08:59,473 --> 00:09:01,806 This is gonna save me so much time in the future. 245 00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:04,543 Good. Good! 246 00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:06,177 All: Manny! 247 00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:07,012 [ sighs ] why? 248 00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:08,046 [ man speaking spanish ] 249 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,481 [ indistinct conversations ] 250 00:09:09,483 --> 00:09:10,882 I don't care if it's cliché. 251 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,851 I love the convenience of a nice mini quiche. 252 00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:14,219 You got a little, um... 253 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,754 Oh, no. Okay. Mm. Perfect. 254 00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:19,190 Can the new guy embarrass himself any more? Hey, counselor. 255 00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:21,893 What do I have to do to get you to drop that suit? 256 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,595 Cam, what are you doing here? 257 00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:26,498 Surprising my "hugsband"! [ chuckles ] [ coughing ] 258 00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:29,267 I'm hearing that term for the first time. Yeah. 259 00:09:31,537 --> 00:09:33,371 So when will you guys be back? 260 00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:35,607 Looks like somebody's entertaining a lady friend. 261 00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:39,511 Maybe you'll pour her a nice, tall glass of manny-schewitz? 262 00:09:39,513 --> 00:09:42,080 You know what? Sometimes just a straight answer. [ laughs ] 263 00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:45,016 Gloria, can I get an e.T.A.? These are important clients. 264 00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:47,719 I'd like them to still be alive when we get there. 265 00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,888 Okay! I'm ready. 266 00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:51,957 Seriously? What? 267 00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:55,260 [ gasps ] ay, no! I'm so sorry! 268 00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:58,263 I forgot this was drinks with your clients. 269 00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:01,066 Hold on. Okay. [ panting ] 270 00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:02,767 I'm ready now. Let's go. 271 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,538 Hey, there, superstar. 272 00:10:06,540 --> 00:10:08,907 Haley: Moron! Luke: Derp! 273 00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:11,309 It really hasn't been the same here without you. 274 00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,777 Mm, so what do you got there? 275 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,713 Oh, college brochure! 276 00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:16,548 You're gonna have your pick of schools. 277 00:10:16,550 --> 00:10:18,383 [ chuckles ] you're our little genius. 278 00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:21,653 I just hope -- what, claire? What do you hope? 279 00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:23,221 Well, you have such a perfect record, 280 00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:25,156 I hope they don't hold it against you 281 00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:27,726 That this week you kinda... Well... 282 00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:29,728 Don't want to say "quit." 283 00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:30,795 You just did. 284 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,597 Are you trying to send me back to that hellhole? 285 00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:35,233 No! It's -- honey, you're part of a team, 286 00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:37,736 And there are people relying on you, 287 00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:40,338 So when you just up and vanish like that, 288 00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:42,407 It sort of -- it -- 289 00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:43,975 Phil? 290 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:44,976 Phil?! 291 00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:47,979 Your mom just feels like it's unlike you 292 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,514 To walk away from something. 293 00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:50,782 At least I could walk away. 294 00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:52,984 My tent-mate nail-gunned her foot to the floor. 295 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,286 She was just walking around in a circle screaming 296 00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:56,588 Until someone found her! 297 00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:58,657 Why do you guys want to get rid of me so badly? 298 00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,925 No one wants to get rid of you. It's just seven more days. 299 00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:03,028 You'll feel good about finishing something you started, 300 00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:04,929 And then you join us for the perfect little summer 301 00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:07,666 We're having here. Were having until an hour ago. 302 00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:10,135 Haley! Oh, my god. Okay, I see what this is. 303 00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:11,703 You all are happier when I'm not here. 304 00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:13,204 No, that's not true. Save it! 305 00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:14,673 I'll get a ride back up there 306 00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:16,041 And you all can continue to enjoy 307 00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:17,475 Your perfect, little summer! 308 00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:19,678 Alex, honey! Leave me alone! 309 00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:20,779 [ door slams ] 310 00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:23,048 Luke: We just got free cinemax! 311 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,456 Here's mitchell kissing a dolphin. 312 00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:33,625 Oh, that's him kissing a tiger. 313 00:11:33,627 --> 00:11:35,860 I'm the tiger. Rawr! [ laughs ] 314 00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:37,796 We have fun, you know? 315 00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:40,298 Were we supposed to bring our spouses? 316 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,000 Hey, cam? Cam, hey, look. 317 00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:44,135 Um, this is kind of work-only. 318 00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:46,838 Oh, please. They don't even know I'm here. [ mid-tempo music plays ] 319 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,540 [ gasps ] I love this song. Let's dance. 320 00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:50,742 No, no. Nobody's -- nobody's dancing. Shh. Say it with your hips. 321 00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:51,910 [ sighing ] o-kay. 322 00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:53,712 Hey, uh, no, cam. Um... Hmm? 323 00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:57,582 You know I love you, right? First man that ever did love me right! 324 00:11:57,584 --> 00:12:00,351 [ chuckles ] we have fun. We do, we do, we do. 325 00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:03,054 Um, so, look, I-I was thinking that maybe... Mmm. 326 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,723 We could turn the romance down 327 00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,591 Just a little bit, you know? 328 00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:08,660 Because it's been getting a little bit -- 329 00:12:08,662 --> 00:12:10,729 I-I-I don't want to say over the top, but it -- 330 00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:12,497 Okay, I'm gonna need your help 331 00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,432 If we're gonna keep dancing here. 332 00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:15,900 I feel like you're mad. 333 00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:22,607 So, we had an informal vote over there... We're not dancing anymore. 334 00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:23,808 Oh, good. Yeah. 335 00:12:26,278 --> 00:12:28,246 You know herb might stop by, right? 336 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,749 He takes the pictures for the company newsletter. 337 00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:33,451 Yes, I love "herb's blurbs." 338 00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,286 Well... 339 00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:37,188 [ singsong voice ] here come the doors! 340 00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:38,456 [ singsong voice ] ah! 341 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:40,258 Usually all the good places have them! 342 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,193 I'm going to open them! 343 00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,596 Oh, you're such a gentleman, jay. 344 00:12:46,198 --> 00:12:47,232 I think I forgot my wallet. 345 00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:48,566 Oh, don't worry. 346 00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:51,870 I have some money here in my fanny pack, huh? 347 00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:53,705 For god's sake, fine. You win. 348 00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:56,474 I like it when you make yourself pretty. 349 00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:58,910 I win! I just said you won. 350 00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:00,779 Ay, jay, what you're feeling right now 351 00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:03,281 Is what I feel when you stop trying to look good for me. 352 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,549 No, I get it. 353 00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:06,451 Then why did you stop trying? 354 00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:07,852 Because... 355 00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:11,923 Oh, forget it. It's too stupid. 356 00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:17,262 A couple of months ago, I was shopping at barneys -- 357 00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:18,997 You know I like to stay current. 358 00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:21,332 Anyhow, I'm coming out of the dressing room, 359 00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:24,435 And I see these two young guys laughing at me, 360 00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,905 You know, like "there's the old guy trying too hard." 361 00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:28,239 You know, of course I get mad. 362 00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:30,108 But I start thinking, "they're right, jay. 363 00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:32,076 You're old. Just be old." 364 00:13:32,611 --> 00:13:34,279 Ow! Listen to me, jay pritchett! 365 00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:35,346 A lot of people assume 366 00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:37,182 That I married you because of your money, 367 00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:40,852 And that's only a very, very small part of it. I'd like to go back to that. 368 00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:42,921 I married you because you were sexy. 369 00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:45,790 Who knows for how long that's gonna last, 370 00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:47,992 For either of us. 371 00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:51,196 So we have to keep making an effort for each other. 372 00:13:51,198 --> 00:13:53,865 Next time you go to barneys, I go with you. 373 00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:56,167 Maybe you're just making the wrong choices. 374 00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,469 Not always. 375 00:13:58,471 --> 00:13:59,838 Mm. 376 00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:03,441 You want to have a drink? I can change. 377 00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:06,778 No, I think I'll text them, tell them I was sick. 378 00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:09,013 Let's go home. You said I was sexy. 379 00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:10,915 [ shrieks ] 380 00:14:11,717 --> 00:14:13,351 Okay, bye, rosa. Thank you. 381 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:14,219 Cam! 382 00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:15,787 What's up, dude? 383 00:14:15,789 --> 00:14:16,988 Seriously? 384 00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:18,790 What, is that too romantic for you? 385 00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:19,891 He loves me not... 386 00:14:19,893 --> 00:14:21,192 He loves me not... 387 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,660 He loves me not. 388 00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:25,997 Okay, can we talk? Actually, no. I'm kind of busy. 389 00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,967 I'm assuming you forgot it's our three month-iversary. 390 00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:31,636 Well, I foolishly set up a celebration 391 00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:34,172 That I will kindly get rid of. Cam! 392 00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:35,406 No, I didn't forget, 393 00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:38,009 But that's what I want to talk to you about. 394 00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:39,878 You've been a little bit -- 395 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:41,212 See, look. This is what I'm talking about. 396 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,313 You got me another present. 397 00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:43,281 Don't touch that. 398 00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:46,684 Oh, my -- my heart! 399 00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:47,852 What heart? 400 00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:48,887 [ panting ] 401 00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:51,155 Cam! Come on! 402 00:14:51,157 --> 00:14:52,190 Okay, listen. 403 00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:54,158 I know how lucky I am to have you, 404 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:57,729 But I can't possibly keep up with this level of affection... 405 00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:02,000 Oh, boy. Cam: I apologize! I'm a monster! 406 00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:04,168 No, obviously, I'm the monster. 407 00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:06,037 Obviously. [ blows out candles ] 408 00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:07,572 You know, can I just point out 409 00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:08,907 That when we were in cabo, 410 00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:11,142 You didn't seem to mind all the flowers... 411 00:15:11,877 --> 00:15:13,077 Yeah, but -- ...Or the back rubs. 412 00:15:14,013 --> 00:15:14,979 ...Or the attention. 413 00:15:15,781 --> 00:15:17,048 Well, that -- that was our honeymoon, 414 00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:20,251 And, yes, I loved it, but it was weeks ago. 415 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:23,855 Well, maybe some of us don't want it to...End! 416 00:15:23,857 --> 00:15:25,924 Well, it has to eventually end. 417 00:15:27,059 --> 00:15:28,326 All right, cam -- 418 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,229 Did you have this lipstick or -- 419 00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:34,632 You know, personally, I feel sorry for you that you're so shut off 420 00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:39,070 That a few simple romantic gestures -- oh, my god! What am I looking at here? 421 00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:40,438 Well, I guess I'm crazy, 422 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,707 Because I've taken pictures of you sleeping 423 00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:44,375 Every night since we got married 424 00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,244 Because you're the man of my dreams. 425 00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:48,212 Okay, super quick -- if I was the man of your dreams, 426 00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:49,948 Wouldn't you have to be the one sleeping? 427 00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:50,882 Don't pull that thread, mitchell. 428 00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:52,717 Speaking of which, what is this? 429 00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:53,985 Don't pull that thread, mitchell. 430 00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:55,320 Oh, cam, come on! 431 00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:57,989 Even you have to admit this is excessive. 432 00:15:57,991 --> 00:15:59,324 Excessive? Really? 433 00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:00,725 [ pop ] oh! 434 00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:03,795 Struck by cupid's magic arrow. It's off, lily. 435 00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:06,631 Seriously? Two hours rehearsing with rosa? 436 00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:09,100 Cam, what is going on with you? 437 00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:12,303 We just had the most romantic year ever, 438 00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:15,640 Planning our ceremony, the wedding, the honeymoon, 439 00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:17,909 And I'm just worried if we let this go, 440 00:16:17,911 --> 00:16:18,977 We'll never get it back. 441 00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,112 Well, that doesn't all just end. 442 00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:22,347 It did once. 443 00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,315 You know, the first two years we were together, 444 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,417 We were insanely romantic. 445 00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:29,787 Then it became about parenting a-and working. 446 00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:32,090 And this last year, we got that back, 447 00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:34,959 And I just realized I've dropped the ball. 448 00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:36,327 Oh, no. 449 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,262 Well, m-maybe you -- you shouldn't be the only one 450 00:16:38,264 --> 00:16:39,497 Carrying the ball. 451 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,332 What if you did a give-off to me? 452 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,501 A hand-off. Okay, what -- yeah. 453 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:44,969 Look, w-what if I... 454 00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:47,972 Tried to become a little bit more romantic? 455 00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:49,841 What would that even look like? 456 00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:51,676 [ billy ocean's "caribbean queen" plays ] 457 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,379 This song... This song... [ chuckling ] 458 00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:56,614 Was playing the night I asked you to move in. 459 00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:58,383 At that applebee's. Mm-hmm. 460 00:16:59,785 --> 00:17:02,653 I believe you owe me a dance. Yes. [ chuckles ] 461 00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:05,056 ¶ caribbean queen ¶ 462 00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:09,394 ¶ now we're sharing the same dream... ¶ 463 00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:11,996 Are we almost done with fairy time? 464 00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:13,331 Lily, of all -- lily, that's offensive. 465 00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:15,066 I just want to get out of this costume. 466 00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:16,134 Oh. Oh, of course. 467 00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:17,368 Now, that does look uncomfortable. 468 00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:19,737 They snap off. They snap off. Oh, that's easy. 469 00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:20,972 Alex: My ride's on its way. 470 00:17:20,974 --> 00:17:23,174 Don't worry, I'll wait outside on the curb. 471 00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:24,542 Honey, nobody wants you to go. 472 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,911 Yeah, even if you are bad luck, you're our bad luck. 473 00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:28,980 You realize that is in no way an apology, right? 474 00:17:28,982 --> 00:17:30,081 The thing is that we are really -- 475 00:17:30,083 --> 00:17:31,215 Please stop talking. 476 00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:33,084 I spent this entire summer as an outsider. 477 00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:35,686 They literally made me build the outside of the house. 478 00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:37,755 And then I come back here and I -- 479 00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,190 Why is your webcam on? 480 00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:41,192 Are you trying to humiliate me? 481 00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:42,727 That light means it's on? 482 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,062 It doesn't automatically turn off 483 00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:45,263 When you go to a different web page? 484 00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:47,899 No, and considering you keep your laptop on your bed, 485 00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:49,167 Right by where you change, 486 00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:51,202 And when you come out of the shower, 487 00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:52,203 And who knows what else... 488 00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:54,005 Everyone knows what else! 489 00:17:54,007 --> 00:17:56,074 It's probably why you have 50,000 subscribers. 490 00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:59,077 Hey! You should be ashamed of yourselves! 491 00:18:00,612 --> 00:18:01,846 Yeah, yeah. Still not off. 492 00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:03,214 Haley: How do you do that? 493 00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:05,216 Wait, what is that smell? 494 00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:07,118 Your father and luke are making a rhubarb pie 495 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,187 From rhubarb we grew in our own garden. 496 00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:10,855 You're not leaving until you try it. 497 00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:12,090 No, no, no, no, no. I smell smoke. 498 00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:14,225 Well, I didn't turn the oven on yet. 499 00:18:14,227 --> 00:18:15,193 Did you? No. 500 00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:16,561 Oh, no, no! 501 00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:18,796 I tried to start that stupid "war and peace" again 502 00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:20,364 Last night in the bathtub, but then I fell asleep. 503 00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:21,432 It dropped in the water 504 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,633 And I thought I would just dry it out. 505 00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,769 Oh! Oh! Phil: Oh! Take cover! 506 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:25,803 Okay! Okay! Take cover! 507 00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:27,038 Claire: Oh, god! 508 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,974 Damn this thing! Did nobody notice the oven light?! 509 00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:31,442 Lights mean things, people! 510 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,244 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! 511 00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:34,879 Claire: Great job! 512 00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:37,048 Oh, god! Oh, no! No! No! 513 00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:38,816 Good job, honey! [ car horn honks ] 514 00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,551 This has been awesome, but my ride's here. 515 00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:42,220 Have a magical day. No, no, no, no. 516 00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:43,221 No, I got it. No, sweetie. 517 00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:44,455 Claire, I got this. Okay. 518 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,256 Spoon time, people. 519 00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:46,657 Yes! Family tradition. 520 00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:47,925 Yes. 521 00:18:47,927 --> 00:18:50,128 Look, you can leave if you want to, sweetheart, 522 00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:52,730 But we're not letting you go without a smile on your face. 523 00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:54,932 Luke and I poured a lot of love into this pie, 524 00:18:54,934 --> 00:18:56,267 So, here... 525 00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:57,502 Taste this. 526 00:18:57,504 --> 00:18:59,270 Taste our love. 527 00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:02,173 You took the leaves off the rhubarb, right? Um... 528 00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:04,175 They're incredibly poisonous. You all could die. 529 00:19:04,177 --> 00:19:06,277 No! Alex says they're poison! 530 00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:08,179 Oh! Okay. [ clattering ] 531 00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:10,114 We're right here! We heard her! 532 00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:11,449 You can't leave us. 533 00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:13,317 We're a danger to ourselves. 534 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:15,253 We're a family of fire starters, 535 00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:17,188 Poison eaters, and online prostitutes. 536 00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:18,623 It wasn't a perfect summer. 537 00:19:18,625 --> 00:19:20,024 It was a stupid summer. 538 00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:22,160 Claire: Without you here to shame me, 539 00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,162 I watched every "real housewives" episode 540 00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:27,265 And I only got to page two in "war and peace." 541 00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:30,801 Please stay. We need at least one adult in this household. 542 00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:33,037 Okay, fine. 543 00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:34,772 [ bat fluttering ] 544 00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:37,475 You know the attic window is open, right? Phil: We really didn't. 545 00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:38,643 [ crickets chirping ] 546 00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:40,378 Gloria: I race you up the stairs. 547 00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:43,214 Jay: Why don't you slip into something less comfortable? 548 00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:44,715 Okay! [ laughs ] 549 00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:46,117 Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! 550 00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:47,852 Ahhhhhh! 551 00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,354 Just a thought -- maybe we should stop doing these. [ door slams ] 552 00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:52,490 What's going on? Mitchell: It seems pretty obvious. 553 00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:54,125 I had to throw the party a week early 554 00:19:54,127 --> 00:19:55,126 To really surprise her. 555 00:19:55,128 --> 00:19:56,694 Claire: Should we be concerned about her? 556 00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:58,396 That's kind of similar to the way mom left. 557 00:19:58,398 --> 00:20:01,799 Gloria and I got in this whole thing about how we dress. 558 00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:04,635 Long story, I think she might need a little more time bef-- 559 00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:06,370 Hola! 560 00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,506 [ laughter ] oh, wow! 561 00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:10,174 I had this outfit underneath. 562 00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:11,576 Did you really think 563 00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:14,145 That I was gonna walk into a bar looking like that? 564 00:20:14,147 --> 00:20:15,413 Gracias! 565 00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:16,414 [ indistinct murmuring ] 566 00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:17,648 All these years, 567 00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:19,850 You're telling me you can get ready that fast? 568 00:20:19,852 --> 00:20:20,918 [ indistinct conversations ] 569 00:20:25,691 --> 00:20:27,391 Mm. 570 00:20:30,028 --> 00:20:32,263 [ smacks lips ] 571 00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:35,499 [ exercise music plays ] 572 00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:38,336 ¶ caribbean queen ¶ 573 00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:39,370 ¶ now we're sharing the -- ¶ 574 00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:40,671 [ hair dryer turns on ] 575 00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,273 [ coughing ] 576 00:20:53,685 --> 00:20:54,619 Phil: Mm. 577 00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:56,187 Mm! 578 00:20:56,189 --> 00:20:58,155 [ muffled ] oh, my god! 579 00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:02,326 Mm.